When I have a “freak-out”, I give myself the cool-off period to let the nerves flow back into their normal stream. After that, I reflect on why I freaked out, what made me freak out, and why I reacted to it like I did. I have to do this somewhere else though…
From time to time, I have to wander out where only nothingness exists. All is neither good nor bad when you disconnect yourself. It all just… is. You can’t reach me out here. Out here you can not fit in or be casted out. Out here, your existence is just enough. This is what I call the fringe. Standing on the fringe is to stand on the balance beam between the rest of the world & the emptiness of the other side. On the other side is what all of humanity dreams about. To some, the other side is where the conjured up thoughts of golden streets & lush waterfalls exist. To others, the other side is just a void space; the kind that our finite minds can’t imagine. The fringe lies between connectivity to the world & losing yourself into the unknown depths of the other side. I want to go to neither for the time being. I’m staying on the fringe, where I can meditatively come to my own assumptions about everything. If I step to close in either direction, all footing is lost on these plains of endless imagination. I say endless only because everything “just is” out here. No expectations, no pressures, no defining moments. Just zen.
& I’m not even high. So don’t hit me with those juvenile weed jokes. :]
The new album, The Verge, is very good so far. I’m about halfway through and I really like the songs. One thing about today’s scene that I don’t like is the lack of straight-up ROCK. We’ve got pop-post-core coming out our ears but we have nothing that’s really good rock music. TFT covers that base perfectly. The basslines on this album are sending tingles up my spine and Maika Maile is such an underrated vocalist.
If you like 30 Seconds to Mars, Papa Roach, and/or VersaEmerge give The Verge a listen. Their previous album, A Little Faster, is great too. They’ll be on Warped all summer!
Great song. Sounds a bit smoother than I usually expect from Every Avenue, but this’ll probably end up being the “ballad” of Bad Habits. I really love what I’m hearing and I definitely wanna catch them on Warped. If not, at the Yellowcard show this fall!
It felt good to get of the house to spend money and talk one-on-one with someone. It’s the first social thing I’ve done this summer. It’s weird, I’m not used to being this alone. You don’t even realize you’re alone until the last person leaves. This is why i’m glad i’m going to school. This is why I’m not going to try to rekindle my lost friendships. I’m starting afresh.
Also, something crazy happened. My ex boyfriend who I haven’t really talkedto in a year called me for directions. Um. wat
^Everything she said, except I’m not going to school. Kinda wish I was. Anyway I love this girl to bits and I’m very proud of her. And I was very happy to get out of my house and talk to her and go to the Starbucks Banana Haven.
Lost a follower on FB yesterday. Seems someone doesn’t like my enthusiastic approval of NY gay marriage bill. Interestingly enough, said person is a complete womanizer who cheats on his wife at their house while she’s in bed. Yeah, he’s hanging out in the hot tub with his wife’s so-called friend. Now, I don’t know about you but I think it’s far worse to cheat in a marriage than to approve of marriage for anyone who is genuinely in love with their partner. But that’s just me and I may have skewed values.
“You might lose your faith in science, you might lose your faith in wealth, you might lose your faith in Jesus, or lose faith in yourself. But when I let you down, look past your doubt just please don’t lose your faith in me. You could lose your faith in music or lose your faith in friends. You could lose your faith in freedom, feel trapped in your own skin. But I’ll be right there beside you when the walls are cavin’ in.”—(via amillionswedishfish)
Streaming it on Facebook right now. Damn. They took that anger and power that made Tell All Your Friends so good and blended that into the great songwriting that made the high points of Louder Now so gorgeous.
I’m definitely going to buy this along with There For Tomorrow’s The Verge tomorrow.
I dreamt that I was going to Warped, except it was snowing.
Then, I dreamt that William Beckett and I were facebook friends and he was sending me weird messages consisting of letters and numbers that I was supposed to decode.
My next dream was that Erin and I were walking around the streets of Charlotte, until we came across an ATM that wasn’t working. We stood next to it and we were suddenly in a big glass elevator that started rocketing around. We compared it to a roller coaster and got out, none the worse for wear. The ATM still wasn’t working.
After waking up and falling asleep again, I dreamt that I was moving into a new house. This new house looked exactly like the house of an old friend. I was trying to climb through the windows and make pancakes.
Today I listened to very old records, got some sense knocked into me by my best friend, tried to follow her advice, fell off the advice wagon, went to work, watched a movie I really shouldn’t watch while recovering from a broken heart, found out about band drama that I usually don’t follow but I’m kind of worried, and am now watching the Elton John SNL rerun.
awww Elizabeth ... you reblogged that one? ... it was just the simple musings after another Friday night out with a bunch of friends among which is one impossibly unattainable crush who i've known for many years ... my demise, i suppose ... and thank you kindly for following my drivel here on tumblr ... (btw, i'm fond of your blogger - i 'm on a break from mine after all these years, will return to it soon when i have something new to write about - i got in a rut a few months ago and quit posting there) ... i hope your weekend's unfurling fabulously ... any noteworthy plans? ... i hope ...
take good care ... and let's keep in touch, ok?
Hello there! I’ve been a fan of your work for a while. I love your poetry very much. Thank you! I needed a place to put all of my poetry that wasn’t on here, and blogger just kind of came up.
Weekend will be spent working, as usual. Hope your weekend turns out well. And yes, definitely let’s start a few conversations. :) I love talking to writers. It inspires me.
you, my relapse, my overdose i am addict without hope— there is no recovery for me. nor do i seek catholicon for i’d rather perish than to be cured of this impossible attachment nor do i wish to scribble a grand verse in satisfactory form and be, forever done. this space between ecstasy and oblivion is our home— our futile dominion of intimacy and schism punctuated by fractured union it is the very essence of every poem i can never adequately imagine.
Stop going to the root of disease and don’t treat the symptoms. Cut it off like rotten branches cut it off like we’re growing old. You don’t have the time to be a doctor Nor the inclination to care.
Let your feelings crush you. Look in the mirror. Chances are, you’ll reflect a lot like me. Buried in dust but still choking out. Drowned in your mouth and thirsting again. Blink and you’ll miss me, so shut your eyes.
Your charity is unwelcome.
All I wanted was the love of the sun to dry the rain and dull the sharp beak of the dark side. You give me nothing but a taste of heat and pull it away, showering any and every one else.
Take them if you want, I’m fine withering. I don’t want to be a trophy that you didn’t want to display. (Shove your fingers down my throat. You could kill me and I’d love you still, somewhere.) I will never be your burden. I’d rather be your used toy.
If it doesn’t cut through the muck, if it doesn’t sound through the languid summer heat, if it doesn’t reach me when my mind is most unhinged, why would I listen? Why would I let ice break me again? Hurricane season is the summer. I would never notice another storm. I am too enthralled in paradise to know the wet of rain.